hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't deserve a penis
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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