She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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