Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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