i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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