i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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