Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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