So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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