Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
