haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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