fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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