My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
