i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
