I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize