i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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