where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is the high leading the old right now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
