when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
