Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
