i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
