I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
