I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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