just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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