He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
