My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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