I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
