Having a random hookup so left but love u
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize