omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
