I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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