Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
