dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
