Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
