She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
