Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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