At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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