I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
