Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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