I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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