I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
