Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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