I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
