I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize