My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
People in love make me want to vomit
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My liver just had a heart attack.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
