he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
