Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
