does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
