DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
