I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
