you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
