Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
