so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize
