have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
