her vagina looked like bernie madoff
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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