my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
