Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
