Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
