You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
