I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
