Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
