i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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