I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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