I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
