Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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