One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
