i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
