I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
NoShamevember. You game?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
