Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize