no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
