I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
