i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Vodka?
Forever.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
