I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
