I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
