The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
