Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize