Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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