May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
