I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
