I can text with my tongue
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
