you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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