Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
