saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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