Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
