we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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