I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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