omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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