I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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