did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
