I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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