i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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