I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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