Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
