Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize