Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
