I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
