Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
