I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
