I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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