i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
