Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
