where am i from again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
