So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize