she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's always time for handjobs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
