I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize