whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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