We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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