i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
