As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
