goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
