WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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