never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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