Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
