his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
