I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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