I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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